Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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