some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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