Pants 0. Shit 1.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
