I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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