I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
