i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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