dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
