battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
