South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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