and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
