I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
