do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
