im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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