don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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