If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
