Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
