Well douche your snatch and let's go!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
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