It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
