I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
