What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
