Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He shit in the fireplace
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
