Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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