I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
