who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
