i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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