Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
