i was rollin on her like bob the builder
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
this will be a night to untag.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize