i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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