i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
