I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
