Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
