If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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