Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just gift wrapped bread.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
