I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
