TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
