I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
