You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
