I feel like abortions should bother me more
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
