we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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