not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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