Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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