she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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