pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
