you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
