I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
