i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize
