sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
