Only a mothe r could love this liver
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize