The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
