Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I cut my penus on the lid.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
