if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
