maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
