life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
