i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
