i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So many bounce houses so little time
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
