i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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