I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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