Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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