Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
