it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
