I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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