You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
