so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
