I'm eating all of the evidence.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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