yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
