i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize