neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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