and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize