I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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