I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
