i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
