Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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