So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
