you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
